What you see below are some of the questions I have posted in the web seeking answers from all over the world. The responses are given below for your evaluation. It was reproduced as it was and you have to tolerate the mistakes and the tone of answers.
MY QUESTION:-
Specify the role of fidelity in married life? Why infidelity? Suggest measures to end infidelity?
More on this question: -
Fidelity is on the wane! Many say. Please answer touching all aspects of fidelity in married life? Does forgive and forget rules apply on violations? What suitable punishments do you recommend for the violator?
Best Answer 1- Chosen By Voters
Fidelity is the foundation of a successful married life.This coupled with love and understanding embellish it and make it a bliss.
If somebody really wants to be a happy person then he/she should follow it religiously.
Some people tend to think that they can be an infidel, and get away with. It is possible, but then, in the back of their mind the thought of infidelity will haunt and would gnaw at their conscience. They are bound to be miserable in the long run.
Infidelity once can be forgiven, but if any body is habitual then he/should be kicked off.
Best Answer 2 - Chosen By Voters
Fidelity is essential in my marriage. Emotional fidelity is as important as physical fidelity. I don't recommend "punishment" for the violator, but I do recommend a good counselor or therapist for both parties. It is up to the victim as to whether she or he can forgive.
OTHER ANSWERS: -
1.Complete Fidelity is the only option there is no forgiving it and the only punishment should be a divorce
2. Cheating is wrong. That I could never forgive or forget.
divorce/breaking up.
3. Why are you so formal about it? Once a cheater, always a cheate! If the person states that they love you, why would they hurt you like that? No reason, other than they're scum.
4. I'd say it depends highly on circumstances, what were the sexual conditions of the relationship at the time? You should try to get to the root of what's going on and why, then maybe drag him to a counseling session as a method for trying to reclaim what's been lost. Punishment is not a concept that I think should be incorporated into a good loving relationship, it conjures elements of domination, and control which can be further damaging. Try to forgive and heal if you can, if not I'd say scrap it all and start somewhere new.
5. I once had a very interesting conversation with a middle-aged man who's cheated many many times, but is still married to his wife and says that they have a good marriage and a good bond. He was only cheating for sex and not the emotional aspect, and from his point of view, it is not actually wrong. He says his wife does not know and that he does not plan to tell. What was... for lack of a better word, interesting, to me, is simply that he seemed to feel absolutely no remorse for his actions. He spoke about it like he was retelling his day or a trip to a grocery store. Perfectly calm, perfectly methodical, nothing more.
The difference for women here is that women cheat for the emotional support, for the emotional understanding. when women cheat, it is more likely to be serious trouble (ie divorce) for this reason. When you see women on TV telling their stories about cheating, you always see them crying, in stark contrast to the gentleman mentioned above.
In my mind, my never-been-cheated-on mind, I believe that you should forgive. Forgetting would be a personal choice.But forgiving is good for the soul, because you're only beating yourself over for someone else's mistake, for someone else's sin.
6. To end infidelity there are two possible solutions;
1) End marriage
2) Put Computer chips in people’s heads
7. People grow apart and sometimes find someone outside the marriage. It's human nature. There is no way to end infidelity. Forgive and forget shouldn't apply, unless you want it to happen again. Punishment? The person who cheated was unhappy, punishment isn't warranted.
8. Separation only for violator. Fidelity is not on the wane , particularly in Muslim society it is nearly non existent. Violators are not true Muslims, according to Islamic laws. Fidelity is a must to be maintained in married life . It is not at all difficult too to keep it so. Only grossly indisciplines, completely unreliable, dishonest , unjust, highly selfish, materialistic minded, very dangerous person having no conscience and not being God fearing at all thinks or goes for infidelity. Such person must be discarded by the society at any cost. Such person can spoil the whole life of the person of opposite sex for ever if that is a man i.e., he can tempt & arouse so many simple & innocent girls/women to nymphomania, have sex, make them pregnant & leave like trash easily, without even thinking what adverse effect it can have in the personal life of the hapless victim. If, to prevent this, hard Islamic laws are implemented like 100 lashes for adultery & death sentence for the rapist, it is justified. There should not be any scope for forgive & forget in such VERY SERIOUS matter of great human dignity & honour. In married life, both husband & wife MUST try to adjust so much that they make married domestic life interesting, like & love each other & have regular satisfactory sex, then there won't be any scope for infidelity at all
9. You have to constantly renew your marriage live it/love it infidelity arises when u have not met his/her demands in bed
10 It is very important to have a happy and harmonious marriage life where trust and respect is not stained by being unfaithful. Divorce is not the only solution but rather, it is a way of running a way from the problem. And yes, to forgive and to forget applies that is, if you two still love each other and willing to talk about it in the open. Understanding and listening helps to find out what motivate him to break the marriage vows. Though, it's easy to forgive but to forget is hard. Time will tell. You can ask him what he really wants! Is he happy with you or what? To stay or to go! It's only him who can decide. If he does, then you know that he meant to stay. For good!
11. The role of fidelity in a marriage truly depends on the marriage. No two marriages are the same. For one couple it would be he/she strays once and its over. For the next it would be counseling, for the third it could be just plain fun. Men and women need to understand what a promise means and how one lie can affect and break up the whole family. As far as punishment goes, that only will go as far as the person who strayed in the marriage has guilt. If that person does not feel guilty or remorse, there is no punishment. That person is getting what they really want and that is out. If the party does feel remorse the punishment is looking their partner in the eye and remembering how they lied and let them down. The worst case is when children are involved. The children are cheated on too
12. I think there is infidelity because people don't really connect anymore.
Fidelity is an attitude of the heart. It is the conviction to one's spouse, "I am wholly and completely for you, as we two are for God." There is no room in the marriage covenant for wandering eyes or extramarital desires. Whether or not you can forget should be separate from forgiveness, without forgiveness nothing can be healed. And "punishment" or the way you deal with it is personal.
13. Fidelity is the prerequisite for the success of marriage. Infidelity is more often the result of the boredom that occurs in the conjugal life that sets in after some time. It should be the endeavour of all the married couple, to sustain the interest in each other
14. Fidelity in married life comes from the character and the character comes from the family background. Infidelity comes from negative thinking, non-satisfaction.
Fidelity remains even there is poverty infidelity exists even there is ample of money.
In fact it is in character. In case of violation only treatment with positive attitude will be the remedy instead of any other negative punishment.
14. Fidelity is not a punishable crime. It is because of the lack of treatment either physically or emotionally. So forgive and try to bring back the old "love"
15. Fidelity?
"In modern human relationships, the term can refer to sexual monogamy. In western culture this often means adherence to marriage vows, or of promises of exclusivity or monogamy, and a lack of adultery. However, some people do not equate fidelity in personal relationships with sexual or emotional monogamy.
Forget and forgive? Where comes the necessity, as the 'faithfulness' or 'unfaithfulness' is judged by emotions between two individuals?
I can give you another reference, go, read it, and contemplate on what marriage really means,
Fidelity is very important... but also is forgiveness. In many cases it's because marriage has no importance to the world anymore. It's just a silly thing people do. Well Marriage was meant to be a commitment and covenant between two people. To stand together through thick and thin! Not to just be turned aside when the mood strikes us. People have no care for how sacred marriage is and therefore have no care if they are unfaithful.
It is very possible for people who have had infidelity in their marriage to work through it and heal. It is also possible for people who are unfaithful to continue to be unfaithful. Whether or not a marriage or relationship should end because of infidelity must be looked at on an individual basis... circumstances differ people differ. Basically... the problem with Marriage Is that people have forgotten how to Love completely.. how to trust... and how to be forgiving and self-controlling. All these things point to how little we think of our selves and how little we think of others
16. Forgiveness and a second chance to realize their wrong doing. Why? I believe all people should get another chance. We all make mistakes whether they be small ones or big ones. Sometimes it's those chances we get in life can help us to help others who happen to have made those same mistakes. Why to we have to rip apart others for their wrong doing? Doesn't that hurt others even more?
Are we more self righteous and proud enough to say that we ourselves haven't done something just as awful?
I think through true forgiveness that alone could get the person's attention enough to one day forgive themselves and possibly ask others for forgiveness.
17. Why do people cheat? It could be a number of reasons. Some may cheat because they aren't happy with themselves. It could be issues that they have with themselves that they do not recognize that they have a problem.
It could be lack of maturity and they are seeking out someone to gratify their needs. Maybe they are looking for someone outside their marriage because they can't seem work that out with their partner.
Maybe they don't truly love themselves and their partner enough? Others may find it acceptable behaviour but what they don't realize is that they are hurting themselves and the ones they cheat on.
Jealousy becomes the result when some one is cheated on mainly because one person who may happen to be faithful may take their wedding vows much more seriously. Even if both parties are cheating on each other the only one's they are truly hurting is themselves.
Best Answer 1- Chosen By Voters
Fidelity is the foundation of a successful married life.This coupled with love and understanding embellish it and make it a bliss.
If somebody really wants to be a happy person then he/she should follow it religiously.
Some people tend to think that they can be an infidel, and get away with. It is possible, but then, in the back of their mind the thought of infidelity will haunt and would gnaw at their conscience. They are bound to be miserable in the long run.
Infidelity once can be forgiven, but if any body is habitual then he/should be kicked off.
Best Answer 2 - Chosen By Voters
Fidelity is essential in my marriage. Emotional fidelity is as important as physical fidelity. I don't recommend "punishment" for the violator, but I do recommend a good counselor or therapist for both parties. It is up to the victim as to whether she or he can forgive.
OTHER ANSWERS: -
1.Complete Fidelity is the only option there is no forgiving it and the only punishment should be a divorce
2. Cheating is wrong. That I could never forgive or forget.
divorce/breaking up.
3. Why are you so formal about it? Once a cheater, always a cheate! If the person states that they love you, why would they hurt you like that? No reason, other than they're scum.
4. I'd say it depends highly on circumstances, what were the sexual conditions of the relationship at the time? You should try to get to the root of what's going on and why, then maybe drag him to a counseling session as a method for trying to reclaim what's been lost. Punishment is not a concept that I think should be incorporated into a good loving relationship, it conjures elements of domination, and control which can be further damaging. Try to forgive and heal if you can, if not I'd say scrap it all and start somewhere new.
5. I once had a very interesting conversation with a middle-aged man who's cheated many many times, but is still married to his wife and says that they have a good marriage and a good bond. He was only cheating for sex and not the emotional aspect, and from his point of view, it is not actually wrong. He says his wife does not know and that he does not plan to tell. What was... for lack of a better word, interesting, to me, is simply that he seemed to feel absolutely no remorse for his actions. He spoke about it like he was retelling his day or a trip to a grocery store. Perfectly calm, perfectly methodical, nothing more.
The difference for women here is that women cheat for the emotional support, for the emotional understanding. when women cheat, it is more likely to be serious trouble (ie divorce) for this reason. When you see women on TV telling their stories about cheating, you always see them crying, in stark contrast to the gentleman mentioned above.
In my mind, my never-been-cheated-on mind, I believe that you should forgive. Forgetting would be a personal choice.But forgiving is good for the soul, because you're only beating yourself over for someone else's mistake, for someone else's sin.
6. To end infidelity there are two possible solutions;
1) End marriage
2) Put Computer chips in people’s heads
7. People grow apart and sometimes find someone outside the marriage. It's human nature. There is no way to end infidelity. Forgive and forget shouldn't apply, unless you want it to happen again. Punishment? The person who cheated was unhappy, punishment isn't warranted.
8. Separation only for violator. Fidelity is not on the wane , particularly in Muslim society it is nearly non existent. Violators are not true Muslims, according to Islamic laws. Fidelity is a must to be maintained in married life . It is not at all difficult too to keep it so. Only grossly indisciplines, completely unreliable, dishonest , unjust, highly selfish, materialistic minded, very dangerous person having no conscience and not being God fearing at all thinks or goes for infidelity. Such person must be discarded by the society at any cost. Such person can spoil the whole life of the person of opposite sex for ever if that is a man i.e., he can tempt & arouse so many simple & innocent girls/women to nymphomania, have sex, make them pregnant & leave like trash easily, without even thinking what adverse effect it can have in the personal life of the hapless victim. If, to prevent this, hard Islamic laws are implemented like 100 lashes for adultery & death sentence for the rapist, it is justified. There should not be any scope for forgive & forget in such VERY SERIOUS matter of great human dignity & honour. In married life, both husband & wife MUST try to adjust so much that they make married domestic life interesting, like & love each other & have regular satisfactory sex, then there won't be any scope for infidelity at all
9. You have to constantly renew your marriage live it/love it infidelity arises when u have not met his/her demands in bed
10 It is very important to have a happy and harmonious marriage life where trust and respect is not stained by being unfaithful. Divorce is not the only solution but rather, it is a way of running a way from the problem. And yes, to forgive and to forget applies that is, if you two still love each other and willing to talk about it in the open. Understanding and listening helps to find out what motivate him to break the marriage vows. Though, it's easy to forgive but to forget is hard. Time will tell. You can ask him what he really wants! Is he happy with you or what? To stay or to go! It's only him who can decide. If he does, then you know that he meant to stay. For good!
11. The role of fidelity in a marriage truly depends on the marriage. No two marriages are the same. For one couple it would be he/she strays once and its over. For the next it would be counseling, for the third it could be just plain fun. Men and women need to understand what a promise means and how one lie can affect and break up the whole family. As far as punishment goes, that only will go as far as the person who strayed in the marriage has guilt. If that person does not feel guilty or remorse, there is no punishment. That person is getting what they really want and that is out. If the party does feel remorse the punishment is looking their partner in the eye and remembering how they lied and let them down. The worst case is when children are involved. The children are cheated on too
12. I think there is infidelity because people don't really connect anymore.
Fidelity is an attitude of the heart. It is the conviction to one's spouse, "I am wholly and completely for you, as we two are for God." There is no room in the marriage covenant for wandering eyes or extramarital desires. Whether or not you can forget should be separate from forgiveness, without forgiveness nothing can be healed. And "punishment" or the way you deal with it is personal.
13. Fidelity is the prerequisite for the success of marriage. Infidelity is more often the result of the boredom that occurs in the conjugal life that sets in after some time. It should be the endeavour of all the married couple, to sustain the interest in each other
14. Fidelity in married life comes from the character and the character comes from the family background. Infidelity comes from negative thinking, non-satisfaction.
Fidelity remains even there is poverty infidelity exists even there is ample of money.
In fact it is in character. In case of violation only treatment with positive attitude will be the remedy instead of any other negative punishment.
14. Fidelity is not a punishable crime. It is because of the lack of treatment either physically or emotionally. So forgive and try to bring back the old "love"
15. Fidelity?
"In modern human relationships, the term can refer to sexual monogamy. In western culture this often means adherence to marriage vows, or of promises of exclusivity or monogamy, and a lack of adultery. However, some people do not equate fidelity in personal relationships with sexual or emotional monogamy.
Forget and forgive? Where comes the necessity, as the 'faithfulness' or 'unfaithfulness' is judged by emotions between two individuals?
I can give you another reference, go, read it, and contemplate on what marriage really means,
Fidelity is very important... but also is forgiveness. In many cases it's because marriage has no importance to the world anymore. It's just a silly thing people do. Well Marriage was meant to be a commitment and covenant between two people. To stand together through thick and thin! Not to just be turned aside when the mood strikes us. People have no care for how sacred marriage is and therefore have no care if they are unfaithful.
It is very possible for people who have had infidelity in their marriage to work through it and heal. It is also possible for people who are unfaithful to continue to be unfaithful. Whether or not a marriage or relationship should end because of infidelity must be looked at on an individual basis... circumstances differ people differ. Basically... the problem with Marriage Is that people have forgotten how to Love completely.. how to trust... and how to be forgiving and self-controlling. All these things point to how little we think of our selves and how little we think of others
16. Forgiveness and a second chance to realize their wrong doing. Why? I believe all people should get another chance. We all make mistakes whether they be small ones or big ones. Sometimes it's those chances we get in life can help us to help others who happen to have made those same mistakes. Why to we have to rip apart others for their wrong doing? Doesn't that hurt others even more?
Are we more self righteous and proud enough to say that we ourselves haven't done something just as awful?
I think through true forgiveness that alone could get the person's attention enough to one day forgive themselves and possibly ask others for forgiveness.
17. Why do people cheat? It could be a number of reasons. Some may cheat because they aren't happy with themselves. It could be issues that they have with themselves that they do not recognize that they have a problem.
It could be lack of maturity and they are seeking out someone to gratify their needs. Maybe they are looking for someone outside their marriage because they can't seem work that out with their partner.
Maybe they don't truly love themselves and their partner enough? Others may find it acceptable behaviour but what they don't realize is that they are hurting themselves and the ones they cheat on.
Jealousy becomes the result when some one is cheated on mainly because one person who may happen to be faithful may take their wedding vows much more seriously. Even if both parties are cheating on each other the only one's they are truly hurting is themselves.
18. Infidelity has been around since marriage has been to suggest that anything has changed other then the fact that people are just more honest about it means that things in a way are getting better albeit honesty seems cruel rather then just letting go of a past mistake and moving on.
No comments:
Post a Comment