MY QUESTION: -

Parents! What do you expect of your children at your 'dependency stage' of old age?

As I look back at this old age I recollect the happiest occasions I had gone through with my growing up children - all daughters. My home was full of joy. Now things changed. They are all married and live separate looking after their families. Being a widower I live alone and they do not have time to be with me to relive the life we had passed. I am financially independent for which I profusely thank my God. Otherwise things would have been sadly different. When I look around I see a number of old and infirm parents who lack the love and care of their children and whom their children look down as a chronic liability. How do you look at this growing trend? Please share your thoughts with me.

BEST ANSWER - Chosen By Voters

I expect anything from my children, I have my life to live and they have theirs I have made my plans and will live my life until that point, when I will make my exit.

OTHER ANSWERS: -

1. I visit my mom twice a week and call her almost every day. And when my Grandmother had a stroke my mom took care of her.

2. I will have no problem taking care of my parents should they require it. But they planned well, so I probably won't need to do much for them financially. I'll never stop visiting them as often as I can; I like them, in addition to the natural love I feel for them. Besides, I want my daughter to know her family, and all us have fun together. By the way, I'm an atheist, my parents are both Christians, and my daughter is in the process of learning about the various beliefs out there. Religion has never been important in my family; we care about actions, not beliefs.

3. I am the second son in six, in my family. My father passed away when I entered first year of B.E (5 years course then) in 1964. I studied on scholarship and passed in distinction in electrical engineering. Ours was a very very poor family. We all lived with mother under one roof. There was my grand mother and her father too then. Some how days passed. The elders used to say moral stories and we had a good happy time. The children are married and settled fine in life and are away because of their jobs. They contact over phone and enquire once in 15 days or so.
By god's grace I get a pension to make me live independently, on my own.
But, Sir, it is our primary responsibility to see that our children get good education and settle well in life. We shall feel happy if they are well of some where. In the present age you can not even dream to have children near by, they get jobs in cities in isolated places from one another. Ok. That is life. Once in a fortnight they call over phone and speak for a few minutes.
The daughters -in-law and sons-in-law are just relatives...they do not know how we lived. They live the life their own way. If you try to correct or advise them, you get only mental agony. Leave them to lead their life.
Our Indian scripture say we have to lead a life of saint after discharging all duties.
We have done that. Let us read Great Epics like Ramayana, Mahabharata, Mahabhaga... and Bhagavat geeta in reverence and meditate upon things to live happily.
We are a crowd ourselves alone. We have everything in us. Let us not expect any thing from our children or anybody. That leads to pain only. It is time we live peacefully without bothering ourselves about things that are not in our control. Let us do some thing to society if we can...other wise let us pray and try to realise Him.
If the children come and spend some time, Ok, we are happy. If they are unable to come for their own reasons. OK then too we are happy.
Nothing prevents you from being happy. It is you alone that spoil your mood.
So you are a successful man and discharged all duties well and your children are good citizens, independent. So you shall be proud of it.
BE HAPPY IF THEY ARE NEAR YOU THAN FAR AWAY FROM YOU.
Remember. Sir, we come alone and go alone.

4. Infant,youth and old are the three cycles in life.
Dependency in infant stage is inevitable and it is well taken care of by parent as their duty; in unfortunate circumstances it is either not taken care of well, or done by OTHERS.
In old age, one after passing thro' all ups & downs should not expect anything, including emotional support, from anyone. Learn to take anything as it comes, and pray for the wellness of universe and ready to breath the last peacefully.

5. It seems wise to not expect anything, but I hope that I'm teaching my children to have sufficient love and respect for others that they will gladly care for their parents as necessary.
My parents cared for my father's parents for several years. We've been caring for my wife's parents for over 10 years so far. Although I'm not always happy about what is sometimes a burden, it's not something that should be left to non-family if at all possible.

6. All Children when they are grown up have their own problems and environment. If they are nearby we are lucky. At old age, elders should try to be independent at least financially.
Children also should think about the struggle put in by parents to bring them up and should try to take care of them and show real affection and responsibility on their parents. They should also remember that soon they would also become old.
We elders can live with the family of our children, with attitude of adjustment of all issues and also understanding the problems of the family of our children.
Otherwise we should manage and learn to live alone ourselves. In this respect we can follow steps suggested by some of friends who have answered earlier here

7. This life is a great boon for us. So serve people as much as you can irrespective of any relation and without expecting any thing. I do the same and believe in that.

8. Most of the old men and women who rue the fact that their children are not interacting with them now due to their old age often themselves have done so with their own parents when they were young. When they did not allow their parents to live with them due to their or their spouse's selfishness that even twenty or 30 yrs back when the concept of joint family was more stronger, how do they expect emotional attachment or physical closeness from their children now!

9. Though I am poor I would do the best I can with what Allah has given me

10. My mom is very sweet and cool:....

11. So pretty much what you're saying is you're glad you got lots of money even if you're old and life is over. That's the spirit.

12. I have made plans so that my children would not have to take care of me. My mother took care of her mother after the stroke. She did not work so she was able to do so. When my mother got sick, she went really fast. We all took turns taking her to chemo and radiation. She only lasted for 5 months. I cannot imagine the long years some people devout to the care of a loved one. We would have found a way. I would love to have been able to try.